New JDate Complaints
From the Washington, D.C. Craigslist:
RANT: JDate, You Suck
Reply to: anon-74986331@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-23, 9:53PM EDT
Dear JDate,
I saw you on the web a few months ago after my mother said “You know, my friend’s son had great success on JDate, why don’t you try it? I’ll even pay for it.” So I did. Well, apparently JDate and I messed up somewhere along the line.
See, JDate, I was taken in by your gorgeous smile and $34.95 per month usage charge. I had no idea that you were really a backstabbing, horribly depressing, worthless service. The fact is, JDate, you really suck.
Here’s the problem. I’m a well-to-do, witty, attractive, intelligent guy - I mean, obviously, some people here are going to scoff at that, but I can’t hide the truth. I was basically using it because I moved to a new area where I really didn’t know anyone, and I figured it would help. But that doesn’t matter to the girls on JDate, who apparently are all looking for Brad Pittstein or Tom Cruise-Cohen. Note that neither of them will (or should) be on JDate. Why? Because one is busy screwing Angelina Jolie and the other is with Katie Holmes (who are both shiksas anyway).
“Oh,” you say. “That’s not true, I’m just looking for a nice Jewish boy to date.” Well, if that was true, maybe you’d be a nice Jewish girl. Listen, girls, the “J” in JDate stands for Jewish. If you’re not planning on converting or you aren’t Jewish, please stop using it. Or at least come right out and say it. And if you’re going to lie about that, at least don’t use pictures on the site from when you were fifteen.
Yes, fifteen. Remember those days? They were apparently before you had an eating contest with a blue whale and won. Don’t use those pictures, because if you do meet someone, they are (a) going to know you lied and (b) going to try to harpoon you for your blubber – it’s very expensive, and after paying $34.95 a month for JDate, your blubber would probably sell very well on the black market. Some people need to stay warm in the winter.
Finally, if you are a “nice Jewish girl,” let me explain something to you. If you were in a bar and some guy was talking to you and you didn’t like him, what would you say? You’d say “Sorry, I’m not interested,” or something to that effect, right? What makes you think that it should be any different online? Seriously, I just love this conversation:
———–
JDATE GIRL: Hey, are you going to be online tomorrow? I want to talk some more, but I’m going to bed.
ME: Oh, sure, I’ll talk to you later!
JDATE: Great! See you tomorrow!
(THE NEXT DAY)
ME: Hey, how’s it going?
AIM: JDATEGRL01 has blocked you. Go fuck yourself!
—————-
I mean, the LEAST you could do would be to say “Hi, I’m not interested.” Instead, your choice was to block me and be a complete and utter bitch, which is a lot different, and not very polite at all.
So, to sum up:
1) JDate is expensive.
2) Don’t post pictures that are 8 years old and where you weight one-eighth of what you do now.
3) Don’t be a bitch – if you don’t want to talk, just say so. And perhaps if you took the time to actually think about it, maybe you’d be happier and have a very wealthy boyfriend right now.
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